Phyllis Diller (July 17, 1917 - )
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Phyllis Diller in Wikipedia
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
We need quiet time to examine our lives openly and honestly. . . spending quiet time alone gives your mind an opportunity to renew itself and create order.
Poetry and consumption are the most flattering of diseases
(November 18, 1714 - February 11, 1763)
Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
Hunter S. Thompson