Phyllis Diller (July 17, 1917 - )
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Phyllis Diller in Wikipedia
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
He has some history here. I think our kids are going to be really excited about him being here.
The chestnut that's out there in the industry that they did this to finance their lending business - that doesn't wash. For me, there are more unanswered questions than there are answered questions.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.