Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).
There's a statistical theory that if you gave a million monkeys typewriters and set them to work, they'd eventually come up with the complete works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this isn't true.
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
Monkeys are superior to men in this: when a monkey looks into a mirror, he sees a monkey.
Malcolm de Chazal
MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.
Life is too precious to be spent in this weaving and unweaving of false impressions, and it is better to live quietly under some degree of misrepresentation than to attempt to remove it by the uncertain process of letter-writing.
(November 22, 1819 - December 22, 1880)
Americans have an abiding belief in their ability to control reality by purely material means... airline insurance replaces the fear of death with the comforting prospect of cash.
(January 14, 1904 - January 18, 1980)
I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may be.